The photo is from 1978. My son, his truck. Behind him, my truck.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Homo Jennifer

Thursday, May 5, 1989

I get a call to install a hose bib and a dryer vent for a house in Los Altos.  A young slim blond woman lives there without a kitchen.  She's dressed in spandex, working out on one of several exercise machines in front of a large window facing the street.  She sips frequently from a plastic bottle of some energy drink.  A white towel is draped like a scarf from her neck.  She's drenched in sweat but smells like flowers.

"I'm just wondering," I ask, "was this house built without a kitchen?"

"I took it out," she says, pedaling on a stationary bike.  "All I need is a refrigerator and a sink."

"So you eat out a lot?"

"Not really."  She laughs.  "My boyfriend keeps taking me to restaurants.  It's so expensive.  People make such a fetish about food.  It's just fuel."

"But you do eat?"

"Oh yes.  I need a lot of fuel.  I do triathlons."

She's healthy.  She's beautiful.  She has money from somewhere.  Driving away in my truck, I feel like such a schlub.  Next job on my list, I'm going to hang some drywall and deal with some termite damage, and then it's time take my dark-haired daughter to the orthodontist. 

Right then, right there, I come up with my new theory of the week:  the advent of a new human species.  Mankind has continued to evolve.  By natural selection here in California, the Homo sapiens are slowly losing ground.  The new superior genes are emerging in sunny suburbs, on beaches, at swimming pools and shopping malls.  They are blond.  They smile.  They have perfect teeth.  Their daughters are always named Jennifer.  It is our job as sapiens to take care of them.  They are the new dominant species: Homo Jennifer.  Soon they will rule the planet. 

1 comment:

  1. Maybe so, but this uber race of Perfect Females will have to fight it out with Homo Suburbus -- Suburban Man -- for global supremacy...