Have you ever been furious at a toilet? Has it ever become personal? Have you ever shouted "FLUSH EVERYTHING AT ONCE!" to a contemptuous ceramic crapper? Have you ever completely disassembled and reassembled a commode, replacing every replaceable part, and the damn thing STILL LEAKS?
The EnemyOr as one of my ex-pat British clients said to me, "This loo ain't worth a shit."
I have fixed water closets
for six years
but this particular piece of china
simply squatted there,
insolent white porcelain
mocking my deadlines
flushing with a hiss and gurgle
that I swear was saying
Piss on you, Plumber.
The particular loo that inspired my poem turned out to have an invisible hairline crack.
Meanwhile, my dog Quinn used to have a fascination with those same devices:
One day, alas, Quinn investigated too deeply. From the other room I heard a splash, a flush, a hollow bubbling sound - then silence. No one ever saw that dog again.